So it has been a long, excruciating hiatus. However, since this blog is 99.999% for me since, I'm fine with that.
Lots of changes happening. Lots of shifts in...well, all the energy around my world seems to be novel. The atoms are buzzing faster, and it's not just the weather. The past few days I've had a lot of time to myself to think about who I am on my way to become. It's strange-- when so much is changing around you, you realize that you must change too, whether you think you can or can't, whether you want to or not.
So now, I'm listening to Jeff Buckley's cover of Hallelujah (the original is by the beautifully melancholy Leonard Cohen)... Something about this progression of chords with Jeff's voice just... makes me ache. And it makes sense with what I'm beginning to realize about myself which is not only that I have to change, but that I have to change NOW. And I have to take active steps in pursuing that goal...drag myself out of this rut, reverse this black hole in my chest that has been twisting me halfway to nothing pulling all of my loved ones under as well.
I don't know. These lyrics kill me. They're so applicable to... so many things:
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah
In other news, I just finished a show that was [very loosely] based on The Bacchae. It's immersive theater that takes place in a cult/rave. Here's a small still of me from our promo:
That's all for now.